Wounded Bride, Beautiful Bridegroom

The image of the Church being the Bride of Christ has always been a painful one for me:  first, as a single woman with unmet longings, later as a married woman in an abusive marriage, and now that I am separated from my husband for reasons of physical and emotional safety...it just plain hurts.  My wounds are laid bare each time I hear the concept referenced.

I was let down by my earthly groom.  I was not cherished as a bride should be. I was considered beautiful by my husband only a few precious times, when it should have been a daily occurrence.  Instead, he projected his self hatred and rage onto the one he was closest to (me).  In the end, the man who's job it was to protect me, marred my soul with his words and damaged my body as he threw me around the room like a rag doll.

During worship today, Pastor Paul talked about how he was so enraptured by his earthly bride on their wedding day, and compared it to how we can see Christ as an act of worship in our hearts.  I confess I went somewhere else in my heart.  I'm a sinful worshiper.  I had to struggle to be able to see myself as Jesus' beloved.  I had to get past the wounds that Kip left in my soul so that I could CHOOSE to believe that I was worthy, chosen, cherished, lovely, and valuable.

In the course of the next few songs, Jesus waited for me.

He waited for my tears of self pity to stop,

  he waited for the wounds to lose their sting,
   
    and he waited for the scales to fall from my eyes.

       He quieted me with His perfect love.

It was only then that I could see how incredibly beautiful He is.  Somehow, all along,  I was already worthy, definitely chosen, perfectly cherished, completely lovely, and incredibly valuable in His eyes.

He considered me beautiful all those years ago at the cross.  

He demonstrates it in the early morning hours when He sings over me, 
    songs of redemption, 
     songs of love, 
       songs of courage, 
         and sometimes songs of tough love.

He even sees my worth when I wander off the path and forget to follow His leading.

Sing aloud, O daughter of Zion;

    shout, O Israel!

Rejoice and exult with all your heart,
O daughter of Jerusalem! 

The Lord has taken away the judgments against you;
he has cleared away your enemies.
The King of Israel, the Lord, is in your midst;
 you shall never again fear evil.

On that day it shall be said to Jerusalem:
“Fear not, O Zion;
let not your hands grow weak. 

The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.

Zephaniah 3:14-17

So, even though my vision is warped, and even though I don't have an earthly example of a nurturing bridegroom, I do have Jesus.  

...and maybe the shortcomings of my own husband can actually serve to cause the beauty of Jesus to shine that much brighter in comparison.