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Friday, February 21, 2014

Putting Fear in it's Rightful Place (or Taking Out the Trash)


Isaiah 8:13-14
But the Lord of hosts, him you shall honor as holy. Let him be your fear, and let him be your dread. And he will become a sanctuary and a stone of offense and a rock of stumbling to both houses of Israel, a trap and a snare to the inhabitants of Jerusalem.

According to my bedroom window forecast, the 100% chance of thunderstorms today brought with it a dark prickly blanket of fear that gripped onto my heart.

Memories of the rain-drenched accident just a couple weeks ago flooded my mind and were allowed (by me) in.

To the friend who was beside me throughout the aftermath that day, I quickly bleated* a text - I thought I had conquered the fear of driving!

She called and immediately prayed:  

"Lord, we need you to be powerful," and she thanked Him for demonstrations of His power.  It wasn't a coddling prayer.  

...and I re-membered how Yahweh was Mighty To Save me that morning.  Once again I was in awe.  

My friend spoke Isaiah 8 to me. "Let Him be your fear and, and let Him be your dread, and He will become a sanctuary"   

Yahweh's throne is higher and very much separate from anxiety.

That moment I KNEW I would not give allegiance to fear.  The Madea in me wasted no time in kicking fear's sorry little tushie out the door.

*reference to sheep intended

I'm so grateful to be part of the flock.  I'm so grateful for the Shepherd's protection, too.

...time to take out the trash :-)
(Literally, and figuratively) 

I'm kinda sad it stopped raining. 

Thursday, February 20, 2014

A New Song

Last night found me listening with my spirit and strumming a C chord - just a plain one.  I began to sing 

"tear down__the walls of my heart"  

There needed to be a chord change.  When I found the note  (by lifting my first finger) a new chord the music major in me will have to analyze later was formed.  It sounded pretty neat.  My guitar teacher will be thrilled.  Not only am I using a pick, but I'm strumming!

As I played the line a few times a)excited that I was writing  b)loving the sound of the new (to me) chord and c)letting those words kind of float around my inmost ...

... I realized that Abba was gently calling me to tear down the walls I have put up in my heart.  From there I 'saw' "make straight the paths" and 'heard' a triumphant and determined "and I will carry your cross, carry your cross" (similar melody to "every sha la la laa ").  There was also something muted in my heart's head about His blood dripping down

 my heart was breaking

tears were forming

I wouldn't have had that sweet communion had I been surfing Facebook.  

The Spirit has always ministered to me through song.  It's how I came to be a Christ follower.  The songs of my Sunday School days formed my faith.  

God is SO Good - taught me of God's character, that He loves me and that He saved my soul
Jesus Loves Me ...the Bible tells me so.  -  The Bible is authoritative, I belong to Him, He is stronger than me ...therefore I can depend on Him.
Do Lord ...I've got a Home in glory land that outshines the sun - Something to look forward to! :)
Jesus loves the little children...red, brown, yellow, black and white, they are *precious* in His sight -  nuff said.

There were more, but you get the point.  My mom gave me a little chair over Christmas that was actually one of the chairs I probably sat on during Sunday School where I first met Jesus.  Isn't it a beautiful Ebeneezer to His faithfulness to me?  (and isn't Ebeneezer a fun word??)

The moral of this story for me is to practice being *still* long enough to listen to the New Songs the Spirit is teaching me.  I'm way out of practice...I'm sure that's why I wasn't able to focus on some of the words as well as others.

Maybe the busy-ness of facebook browsing is one of my walls, a noisy, static-y interruption of the New Song the Spirit is singing over me...and I'm sure there are others.  

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Sacrilege and the Full Circle of Grace

I used to judge any Christian Pop artist who would modernize the sacred words of classic hymns....and I confess I still don't like the Good News Bible....but I would feel very much at a loss without my Bible App that has Eugene Peterson's The Message among the versions that teach and nourish my soul.

Watering down the words of hymns is like desecrating the beautiful words of Shakespeare.  i.e. changing :

What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes

 to:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
'don't need names to smell good
And neither do you!

I would die.  Really.

Don't you just love the full circle of grace?

The very first chorus I've ever composed goes so nicely with my favorite hymn for a lullaby that I long to one day sing to foster or adopted children in my haven.

...and I changed the words.  Some are modernized (does for doth, gives or takes for giveth or taketh) and I even *gasp* changed the wording so the spirit of the line was retained while getting rid of  "e'er"

I also didn't follow the rules and alternate each verse with a chorus.  Can someone tell me what happened to my Type A personality???  I can't even string beads in random patterns.  Symmetry and order have always been very important to me.

Would you believe I even took the order of the verses and rearranged them?

(I know)

When I get the guitar part worked out, I'll post a clip so you can hear and rejoice with me in the outrageousness of it all. :)

Yay for Grace!

_____
Abba, Abba Father
You're always good, Abba Father
I know you're here
I trust your heart
With you I'm safe
Strengthen my heart

Children of the Heavenly Father
Safely in  His bosom gather
Nestling birds, and the stars in heaven
See the refuge He has given them

Though He gives, or He takes
Abba Father does not forsake
It's His loving purpose only
To preserve them pure and holy.

Abba, Daddy, Papa
You're always good, Jesus, Savior
I know you're here
I trust heart
With you I'm safe
Strengthen my heart

Neither life nor death will ever
From our Lord His children sever
Unto them His grace he shows
And their sorrows *all* He knows

God His own does tend and nourish
In His holy courts they flourish
From all evil things He spares them
In His mighty arms He bears them.

Abba, Abba Father
You're always good Abba Father
I know you're here
I trust your heart
With you I'm safe
Open my heart

Praise the Lord in joyful numbers
Our PROTECTOR never slumbers
At the will of our Defender
Every evil must surrender!


Monday, February 17, 2014

withdrawal from an iDol

Facebook Fast Sponsor to me:  Are you messaging me through FB Messenger? 

Me:  No ma'am.  Messaging through my email.  

(Insert whiney pouting voice here). I can't be nosey without Facebook's newsfeed.  I miss being a voyer!!!  *sigh*

Seriously though, Messaging can be done through email.  And it's more intentional and relational and stuff.  

I've written a song...well finished it today.

 ...not to mention I don't get any props (likes) from posting something witty, informative or challenging.  Evidently I have an unhealthy relationship with approval seeking?

I've checked my blog stats 12 times today...really.


I love how this facebook fast stemmed from an etymological curiosity about narcissus (the flower, among my favorites) and narcissistic personality (apparently my sinful nature).  I hate that it came also from a long avoided chapter in Jen Hatmaker's 7.  Hate-because I've known this was a problem for a long while.  I'm so grateful the chapter on gardening wasn't convicting, too! 

One of my main love languages is words of affirmation. I definitely seek out that affirmation from facebook by counting likes and replies.  

There's a Max Lucado story about a little puppet like society that gives each other gold stars for affirmation and grey dots for rejection.  The little Punchinello gets a lot of grey dots simply because he already has grey dots.  

The solution is for him to spend time under the affirming gaze of the Carpenter who made him.  Eventually the dots fell off and even when his fellow puppets tried to give him stars (likes) they wouldn't stick.  

My words of affirmation need to come from the One who set the very stars in place, and who formed my inmost parts.  From the holy, set apart, One who is both great (powerful) and small (intricate) at the same time....the Mysterious One who deserves my words of expressed affirmation (worship) and the One who longs to pour His love out on me (the prodigal who stayed home).

The good news?  I didn't sleep with my iDol (phone) held like a security blanket for the first time in ...well, ever.

Thanks Megan for keeping my password for me this month.  Is it March 15th yet??

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Intervention

Hi y'all.  My name is Rebecca; and I'm addicted.  It's been 9 hours and 39 minutes since I last posted on social media. (This doesn't count...I hope)

(even my cat is hooked...)

I tried to spend just one single day without posting for each of the last several days.  Not even a possibly broken hand could keep me from a single one handed awkwardly typed if-I-thought-it-I-shared-it post.  

Yesterday morning, I purposed in my heart to spend only 7 minutes on facebook.  It took 3 times that just to get through my newsfeed before I realized my time had been up.  I had spent that time sharing everything from funny/sarcastic memes, to autism and worldwide slavery awareness, and spiritually encouraging/convicting quotes.  All good things, right??   Within just 30 minutes of beginning my day I was already a failure.  

Fast forward to 12 hours and possibly a score (that's 20 for those of y'all who weren't around in Libcoln's day)... or maybe two scores of posts.  I lost count.

My sassiest of friends appears online.  (I love her so!)  We message back and forth privately while bantering with another friend or two publicly about a meme; and allthewhile - please say that's one fun long word like nonetheless - I love words like that!!

Ahem.  Sorry.  "Squirrel!" 

...allthewhile I'm researching how to disable my account (and sending an email, and surfing the web for natural remedies, and watching videos on you tube...) you get the picture.  

I realize I can't quit alone.  Not even for a voluntary fast.  My sweet, sassy, sister graciously agreed to be the keeper of my password for a month.  At 9:29 pm I logged off.  

By 9:36 I was sweating, pacing, and anxious.  Who knew there would be withdrawal symptoms for facebook?!?

Maybe she hadn't changed the password yet!  I can get one more fix! 

I know!  I'll email her (or text even!) and ask her to post on my behalf!  Yeah!  That's not the same thing.  Right?

It gets worse.  I don't email her, but by 9:43pm I text a friend.  I'm miserable.  

Hebrews 12:11-13
For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
 Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.

The rest of the evening is a blur.  I did some research online, made some kale chips, rejoiced at finally getting the cooking time down pat, and made a second batch.  At some point I fell asleep.  

3:11am:  my eyes open suddenly and there's a panic in my heart.  I know!!!  I can log in and request a password reset!!   

Have you ever wanted to ask yourself "Do you hear what you are thinking?!?  Are you crazy?!?"  But that would lead to having a conversation with myself and then there would be an affirmative answer to the latter question-a question that we'd all prefer to remain unanswered.  

Thankfully I resisted both the conversation and the password reset.  

My sweet, sassy, sister (and now apparently sponsor) friend will remain the keeper of my (Precioussss) facebook password. 

...and I will diminish and go into the West, and remain Lady Galadriel/Abba's Child. 

Oh how I pray to diminish.  

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Change and Risk


"Change is hard because people overestimate the value of what they have...and underestimate the value of what they may gain by giving that up."

~James Belasco and Ralph Staver

Watch this video of a boy who has autism and a passion for garbage trucks.  Check out the compassion that one gentleman risked to reach into this boy's world.


Isn't it sweet how God provided one exactly like the toy that "just broke".  I knew a family that needed a dozen VCR tapes of the movie Shrek as back up replacements.  Change is hard.

The part that made me chuckle out loud was when the little boy says "Maybe he's going to get back in his truck!" in response to his mother's prompt "He's going to give you a present!"   He likes to see the truck in motion and hear the sounds.  Manuel getting out of the truck and risking a step into this family's world was not the way things usually happen.  Change is hard; but change can be very, very good.

When someone cares enough to reach into the world of a family whose life is different, it's special.  Relationships are messy; and it's SO worth the risk.

Whose world are you being called to step into?

Monday, February 10, 2014

Pit Vipers


Psalms 103:1-5

 Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!
 Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
 who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
 who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
 who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.


I was floored about the part that says "He redeemed my life from the pit."  I get that my friend shared this Psalm with me to remind me of the powerful weapon that Praise can be when battling our fears.




I have seen "the pit" occasionally interpreted figuratively in response to depression or dark times in our lives.  I think it literally talks about a Joseph like experience.  But the image of me stepping out of a badly damaged rental car at the bottom of a muddy ravine and being found and comforted within *seconds* of the accident comes strongly and quickly to my mind.  I'm so grateful for the friend who called to me from the top of the hill, comforted me, and cared for my needs.  I'm grateful for his wife who was a very present help in my troubled day; and also for the EMS team who helped me navigate my way up a very steep, muddy, leaf covered slope (pit) by being my balance, finding the best route, and giving my shaking self something solid to lean on.  

The picture above is my pole.  The one I knocked over.  The one that signaled to my friend that a car was hidden below the hillside.  I love that pole.  No, really.  It's an Ebeneezer to the love and provision God showed me last Monday morning.

This morning on my way to church, I passed by a hundred other poles.  Even though I avoided driving by my pole in an effort to pretend I wasn't having anxiety about the accident, I was still anxious.   These other poles didn't bring up any warm fuzzy feelings.  Instead, each one seemed to be threatening to jump out in front of me.  The trees and road signs, like true bullies, joined in the taunt.  I was anxious, tense, and it made my mere bumps and bruises hurt that much more.  

I fantasized about how "cool" it would be if I left for work at 5 a.m. *on foot* under the guise of fitness - just so I could avoid having to drive.  I determined in my heart not to go anywhere in a car unless I absolutely had to.  In doing those things, I was, in effect, throwing down the cross of vulnerability and trust that Jesus gives me to bear, and picking up the slimy black blanket of fear.  I had decided that safety is more important than trust, that I needed to avoid any and all situations which might possibly cause me to feel anxious, and  that above all else, I was *entitled* to being comfortable.

Our sermon text this morning was on a section of Matthew 10.

Matthew 10:34-39
"Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth.  I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.  For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.  And a person's enemies will be those of his own household.  Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.  And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

Jesus is saying here that our family, something that is GOOD, can be a barrier to spreading the Great News when we put them in front of Him. Our lives, careers, family, can all be idols that keep us from taking the relational risks that are required of all believers.  I'm thinking right now that fear can also be a barrier.  


1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

oh...yeah that.

So why am I holding onto the slimy black blanket of fear in order to idolize safety, comfort, and freedom from the temptation to be anxious?! (Rhetorical)  

2 Corinthians 10:5 

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

yeah...that. :)  Isn't following Jesus and being blanketed in the love that comes with bearing his cross SO much better than black slimy fear?  Remind me of that if you see me tempted to be afraid again. :)

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Redefining "OK"




John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Yesterday morning's commute didn't end where I expected it to end (at work).  A normal part of my commute is hugging the white line around that curve on Wildlife Access Road where drivers coming the other way always go too fast and many times cross over the yellow lines.  

Yesterday was no different except for a couple of factors.  There was rain-a lot of it, and I wasn't driving my little bug.  (key word: little)

True to form, another driver was too close to the yellow line for my comfort and I inched over.  ...only the mid sized rental car I was driving went a bit further than an inch and caught the edge of the road.  

Mud is slippery. (I know...duh.  Right?)  Yesterday's mud was no different as it seemed to grab my car by the tire and sling it around.  I couldn't get it back on the road.  It also appears that the car I was driving thought Duke Power put too many telephone poles up on that stretch of road.  (Never trust the intuition of a red car.)

I can't begin to tell you all of the "coincidences" that happened in that moment.  A super kind man whom I've known since I was in college *cough* (unintelligible number) of years ago was right behind me on the road.  His was the first voice I heard, and it was so comforting to be known.  He called his beautiful bride.  She spent the day anticipating my needs and expertly caring for me.  I'm so grateful.  

I couldn't have been more sheltered or cared for.  My physical body is OK.  More importantly, my heart was okay.  I was Loved with an everlasting Love.  I am sheltered from post accident fear (as long as I take those thoughts captive).  I was given courage.  

We are going to experience being physically broken down, struck down and let down in this world.  

"In this world you will have trouble..." (emphasis mine)

It's a given.  

We can count on eventually being devastated, wounded, disappointed and rejected at some time in our lives.  We will be separated from loved ones.  

We will hurt, and the world won't call it "okay".  

Today I'm okay in every sense.  My body is tired, swollen in places, bruised in others, and oh so very sore.  But, I'm intact.  I'm safe. ...and I survived telling my mom. :)

Most importantly, Jesus holds my heart.  He's helping me take my thoughts captive.  He orchestrated a community to remind me that He gives only godd things.  The breakfast Mimi made for me was a message "Taste and see that the Lord is good."  He's showing me that He really has overcome the world, and at the same time, He knows the smallest details of my soul. A wise man once told me "God is big enough and he's small enough." 


Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord you God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.   

No matter what life brings, our injured souls will be quieted by Abba's love.  He will save us from despair.  He will provide a way out of temptation.  He *is* good.  He is kind.  He is just; and his character never changes.  

Will we always understand why He allows us to be in situations we need saving from?  No.  Not at all.  Will we always be physically safe?  Nope.  

But, because of what my new buddy Zephaniah said, I can testify with confidence in the grand scheme of things, we will be okay.


PS.  This is the Chorus He sung over me yesterday morning.  :)






Sunday, February 2, 2014

More Than Ashes (Tim Reimherr/Merchant Band)


(my previous post in fewer words + a pretty melody!)
ENJOY!

Wounded Bride, Beautiful Bridegroom



The image of the Church being the Bride of Christ has always been a painful one for me:  first, as a single woman with unmet longings, later as a married woman in an abusive marriage, and now that I am separated from my husband for reasons of physical and emotional safety...it just plain hurts.  My wounds are laid bare each time I hear the concept referenced.

I was let down by my earthly groom.  I was not cherished as a bride should be. I was considered beautiful by my husband only a few precious times, when it should have been a daily occurrence.  Instead, he projected his self hatred and rage onto the one he was closest to (me).  In the end, the man who's job it was to protect me, marred my soul with his words and damaged my body as he threw me around the room like a rag doll.

During worship today, Pastor Paul talked about how he was so enraptured by his earthly bride on their wedding day, and compared it to how we can see Christ as an act of worship in our hearts.  I confess I went somewhere else in my heart.  I'm a sinful worshiper.  I had to struggle to be able to see myself as Jesus' beloved.  I had to get past the wounds that Kip left in my soul so that I could CHOOSE to believe that I was worthy, chosen, cherished, lovely, and valuable.

In the course of the next few songs, Jesus waited for me.

He waited for my tears of self pity to stop,

  he waited for the wounds to lose their sting,
   
    and he waited for the scales to fall from my eyes.

       He quieted me with His perfect love.

It was only then that I could see how incredibly beautiful He is.  Somehow, all along,  I was already worthy, definitely chosen, perfectly cherished, completely lovely, and incredibly valuable in His eyes.


He considered me beautiful all those years ago at the cross.  

He demonstrates it in the early morning hours when He sings over me, 
    songs of redemption, 
     songs of love, 
       songs of courage, 
         and sometimes songs of tough love.

He even sees my worth when I wander off the path and forget to follow His leading.

Sing aloud, O daughter of Zion;
    shout, O Israel!
Rejoice and exult with all your heart,
O daughter of Jerusalem! 
The Lord has taken away the judgments against you;
he has cleared away your enemies.
The King of Israel, the Lord, is in your midst;
 you shall never again fear evil.
On that day it shall be said to Jerusalem:
“Fear not, O Zion;
let not your hands grow weak. 
The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.


Zephaniah 3:14-17

So, even though my vision is warped, and even though I don't have an earthly example of a nurturing bridegroom, I do have Jesus.  

...and maybe the shortcomings of my own husband can actually serve to cause the beauty of Jesus to shine that much brighter in comparison.