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Sunday, May 3, 2009

Be Anxious for Nothing

2007-2008 School Year was filled with turmoil for me. I was doing my National Boards Portfolio and testing, managing a volitile classroom where my co-workers would get hurt if I wasn't in the room (so I never took a lunch break and rarely a bathroom break taboot), finding freedom in Christ through the breaking of strongholds (the enemy sure didn't like that!), struggling with the horrors of a marriage/husband that was being dashed upon the rocks...I totalled my car and spent several weeks in intense pain because of a shoulder injury caused by the student who made my classroom volitile. Even through the horrible stresses of that dark, dark, time - God provided in amazing ways. When I lost my car, He provided one. When I lost my job, boy did He provide!

2008-2009 School Year finds me in green pastures beside still waters. Sure there has been an amazing amount of respitory illness and the stress of learning a new job along with a co-worker dealing with out of control seizures. But objectively, I have to look at the beautiful place in which God has placed me. My new school is 25 miles closer to my home. In November, I found out I passed my National Boards (pay raise which has been God's provision for physical healing for my husband) I get to work with Kindergarteners and 2nd graders - such a pure joy! The training I have had in Autism is being put to good use - I can be helpful. I like that. Right now, I'm healthy and have lost 5% of my body weight (almost 17 lbs! - please don't do the math) My marriage isn't where it should be, but there is happiness and peace and there have been some really good moments. I have a boss who is more than supportive. My heart still breaks for my students and the situations they are in...but I'm beginning to realize that is the reason I'm where I am - to love them.

Last week, a lady from our church spoke about resting in such a way as to let Jesus delight in us. Reveling in the solitude of the green pastures and still waters. Today, I find myself longing to see through the fog of anxiety. What excuse do I have to be anxious?? Look at the hell my God brought me through and how he's blessed me 10 fold despite what happened in the past or the mistakes I made! He is orchestrating everything for my good because I love Him. So, it seems that I need to focus on my love for Him and position myself to be in the beam of His love for me ---and rest.

Yesterday, I messed up and took my day of rest by napping, watching Hallmark movies and knitting or goofing off on the computer. Today I need to rest the right way, purposefully aware of and focusing on my relationship to Him. I think my worship iPod and I are going to head to the gym. :)

Sunday, April 19, 2009

In Sickness and In Health

Why is it that we seem to take turns being sick or hurt? This has been going on for 5 years.

Since my last post, I was sick for a very long time. I know it tried Kip's patience...how could someone be sick for so long? I'm sure he said. Finally, just a few weeks ago, my health returned. My joy at a new life was overflowing. With my voice finally returned to me (oddly enough, in the Dentist's chair), I praised my God with all my heart. I joined Weight Watchers - it feels like going to AA meetings, but I am amazed at how it's helping me stay on track. So far, I'm down 12 pounds. Next was the gym. I have a new love - working out with my iPod. The funny thing is that I'm having a hard time keeping my hands still while walking. Sometimes my heart is so full, I want to lift my hands in worship or sign along with a song. I wonder what would happen if I lost myself and just let go. :)

Now that my health (after 3+months) has finally returned, my husband takes a turn for the worse with his back. He finally agreed to get some help for his back. Join me in praying for him.