I was cleaning out my email inbox and found an unread Henri Nouwen email from earlier this summer. I'm not thinking it was an accident that I found it today...I *so* get what it is like to be emptied out by sufferings. I too have cried MANY tears and died many deaths...but I'm thinking my deaths have been more like when Eustace became a dragon than anything else. Learning to die to myself so that Christ could live in my heart.
...or learning to be emptied out like an eclair - because it's the filling that's the best part!
Because the thing that excites me most is the 'newly created place of welcome' Nouwen talks about. I am rejoicing in the love I now have for others that is more supple and embracing and *empowered* than I used to be even before Kip's excursion into the tar pits.
The last two mornings I put a song from my iPod on repeat for the duration of my drive to work. Yesterday was a Chris Tomlin song about putting down idols (Give Us Clean Hands) and today my heart *overflowed* while singing "Day after day our God is reigning/He's never shaken/My hope is in the Lord/Time after time our God is faithful/Trustworthy Savior, my hope is in the Lord" (Kirsten Stanfill - Day After Day) My drive to school was the sweetest time of worship and supplication.
Just 2 months ago, I struggled to pray and forced myself to sing. I laughed, but it was like a dampened bell with a rubber stopper on the clapper. My laughter didn't ring out with joy. My tears were sometimes endless, as was my despair.
Lately, I have caught myself singing because my heart is overflowing. My laughter, at times, seems to contain sunbeams that fill my heart. The bliss of the moment cascading out of my heart's cup. You might have even catch me driving (top down, of course) with one hand stuck straight up in the air in worship.
Another beautiful thing about this filling is that scriptures have become alive to me again. Doesn't the Holy Spirit *ROCK*?! I'm loving Hebrews currently, just as much as I have adored Zephaniah, Haggai and Habakkuk! (before, I struggled to read anything more than a devotional email)
My journey to Hebrews came when a friend shared Hebrews 12 with me. I told him I would have preferred to erase the part in Haggai 2 that speaks of the Lord shaking everything that can be shaken. I had forgotten that Abba has my best interest at heart. I had forgotten that Abba's purpose of shaking me was to remove the fire ants from my body. I didn't want anything else to be shaken or disturbed. (I really wanted control - which seems silly. I mean: taking control from the Creater of the UNIVERSE! Laughable! Right?!)
What are you being asked to let go of? How are you being prompted to empty yourself of..yourself - so that you can be filled? Want to share?
I have a mountaintop experience from 12 years ago that I still remember so vividly.
ReplyDeleteI was walking down a path in Russia while I was on a missions trip. And I remember being so joyful. I KNEW I was in the center of God's will at that moment. And I KNEW God loved me and was in control. I couldn't doubt it.
There have of course been great moments since then, but for some reason that day continues to stick with me. I'm so grateful for moments like that, because for me they are ebenezers in the darker times.
I know that wasn't the question you were asking, but that's what your post reminded me of!
Not only do I love the word ebenezer, I love what it is. I love how even the trash bags your wife gave me when I moved into my haven are an ebenezer pointing me back to Abba's provision and adoration. I'm honored you shared. :)
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