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Friday, May 29, 2015

Shells vs. Skeletons


Lately I've been feeling hollowed out and vulnerable, and a lot like dry bones.  Grief can do that.  

Yet, somehow I feel tenaciously beautiful, like a seashell.  

I'm so grateful that God let us enjoy the beauty of shells that we find on the beach.  I think it could be part of His plan to help us see the beauty in our hardships.  

Abba makes beauty out of ashes.  

This video creeped me out last week.  


Just like I don't picture a cow when I buy hamburger at the grocery store, I don't usually think of the creature that used to live inside.  

Shells I have found on the beach seen to come with a sort of magic filter.  I'm immediately enraptured by the beauty and intricacies of its design.  Rarely do I grieve the life that has been lost.  

Perspective is everythjng.  We can think of the remains of our hardships as skeletons, or as seashells.  

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Worshiping in Truth (extended)

Recently I ran across this passage in John that talked about worshiping in spirit and truth.  I had to ponder it for awhile.  Strong's definition of truth was "that candor of mind which is free from affection, pretense, simulation, falsehood, deceit."

Free from pretense, falsehood and deceit was a no brainer.  We all know that empty worship is ...well, empty.  Going to God with praises that have ulterior motives would be hurtful to him.  It would be like one of my students telling me that I look pretty today just so they can have extra time on the iPad or can get away with not having their homework finished.  Luckily I don't usually schmooze God.  But we've all been there.  "Get me out of this horrible situation and I'll praise you.  

Truth in this situation is that God is good and deserves our praises even when things are bad.  

"Simulation" makes me think of a liturgical type of worship without the heart to back it up.  We can easily fall into the rut of saying the same prayer every day, or singing the all too familiar song without thinking about what the words mean.  Simulated worship has no traces of the wonder that we feel looking at a nebula for the first time, or seeing the intricate details on a baby's fingers.    

Being free from affection is  the part of the definition of truth that stumped me for a bit.  What I've come up with is that it's kind of how I would hope that Sheldon Cooper would worship should his character come to believe in God. We can worship God for the facts of who He is.  

Ultimately it all is encompassed in God being the I AM.  But what would it be like to list everything that God is with a grateful heart.  

I wrote this a while ago hoping it would be a song someday.  I still do. 

You are power
You are love
Your rule is just
Your mercy flows
Your heart is tender
Your eyes never sleep
You reign victorious on your throne
Yet you are here...You are here
singing over me.   

(and just like that...I think it meshes with the sweet little thing I wrote last night!  This song writing stuff is SUPER fun!  Let's worship y'all!)

You sing over me
A song in the night
This love song so sweet
Covers over the dark that's haunting me

Chivalry's not dead
You go before me...
With a love so fierce
You overwhelm me

(edit/addition) 
I love how the Holy Spirit works.  I've been pondering this passage for a long time.  Imagine how my heart's antennas shouted for joy when Pastor Paul said this:  

"Do you realize the reason why worship is so powerful is it's not because we're not just singing songs about God, or we're singing songs about what we believe.  We are singing songs about what IS.  Do you know what the truth is?   The truth IS what IS.  It's not my opinion.  It's not my feeling about it.  The truth is what IS.  So when we worship, filled with the Holy Spirit, we're not just singing to the Lord - 'Here's who You are'.  ...and God's like "I know! and by the way I'm a little bit excited about the songs you are singing...  but we are proclaiming to God what the truth is about God, because God is the truth.  Jesus says 'I am the way the truth and the life.' "

Later in the sermon he asked the question:  "Have circumstances dictated the authenticity of your prayer or worship; or does your God inspire you to pray or worship in spite of them?"  

I consider worship one of my love languages.  Yet I'm a sinful worshiper.  In reflecting on my motives for worship, I came up with this list:



*I worship because I'm hungry.  "As the deer pants for the water so my soul longs for God"  Psalm something er 'nother.  

*I worship to be known.  Many times when I raise my hands during worship it's like that time when a teacher requests "Raise your hands if you love salmon."  Y'all know my hand will *shoot* up and you might hear "ooo!  Mee!!!  I love salmon!  It's my favorite!"    I raise my hands during worship because the words of the song we are singing, or the words of scripture I'm listening to apply to me without a shadow of any doubt.  

*My worship is an act of intimacy with the lover of my soul.  Every so often I can't just worship with my heart and words, my hands have to get involved.  Sign language is SUCH a blessing and adds a depth to my ability to communicate deeper truths to God.  When I lived in Texas I learned a sign that used the 'I love you hands' most of us are familiar with.  This sign uses both ILY hands and they face each other, moving in a circling pattern which signifies the kind of love that a husband and wife share.  Jesus is the lover of my soul.  His love is tender and intimate, and fierce.   

*I worship to celebrate -  raising hands in worship can also be a celebrating act much like a sports fan in reaction to an incredible play.  My God is incredible...which brings me to the other reason I raise my hands in worship - identity and surrender

*I am who am I am made to be when I sing my praises
...but more so when I sacrifice who I think I want to be and abandon control so that Abba can shape and reform my heart and breathe His life into me.  Like a toddler who is weary from the journey, or who just needs the reassurance of being held by her Daddy.  

Here's that question again:   "Have circumstances dictated the authenticity of your prayer or worship; or does your God inspire you to pray or worship in spite of them?"  (Pastor Paul)

What prompts me to worship?  
adoration,wonder, and heart swelling love
...sometimes loneliness and a longing for intimacy that can't be filled by anything other than Jesus
comfort, clinging, and desperation
inspiration, awe, and that feeling of being completely floored
...and sometimes I worship when I want to remind God who He is, like a child who says "but you promised...", because my faith is small and in the presence of the hardest things to bear, I need to be reminded of how solid my Rock really is.

I need to be reminded of the Truth...because I'm a forgetful worshiper.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Running To Jesus


Thanks to Brandon Church for helping SO MUCH with this song.  :)

1) Running to Jesus with reckless abandon
Willingly rending my heart
Surrendering idols, fasting, praying
Obedience is what makes us free

Grace, it shakes me
and
Sobers me up
When I'm drunk with my own power
Tryin' to take over

Grace, calls to me
Take up your cross and lay down the future.

2) Running to Jesus with arms open wide
Willing to keep moving on
Surrendering comfort, forgiving and serving
Resting in Him makes us whole

Grace, saves me
and
Sings over me
When the waves are crashing down
and I'm drowning in sorrow
Grace, calls to me
Lift up your eyes and hope for the future

(bridge) Lift your eyes...

3) Running to Jesus to tell Him I'm sorry
For making a mess yet again.
Accepting forgiveness, that I don't deserve
Trying to keep moving on

Grace died for me!
So I could be free
Though I've carved my own path
Forgotten who I'm made to be
Grace, calls my name
"I loved you before
I cherish you still."

(bridge) Lift your eyes....

Running to Jesus with arms open wide
Willing to keep moving on.

Sunday, May 3, 2015

A Bluesy Psalm

I deeply yearn to be like David, who screws things up Royally, but always runs back to Truth. He was known to have a heart that pursued God.  I'm really good at the screwing things up part at least.  

I read Psalm 88 this morning, and was oddly encouraged.  Over and over and over I've seen psalms that follow the same pattern:  1. things suck  2. God doesn't   3.  I'll trust Him more and the things that suck either will cease to matter, or will get miraculously better.  I thought that formula defined what it meant to have a heart after God. 


But in Psalm 88, nothing gets better.  I don't know who Heman the Ezrahite was (and I laugh that maybe, just maybe SheRa will show up in a Psalm too!)  I love HeMan for showing me that things can suck for a long time, and that we can have faith in such way that a resolve doesn't have to come in the 3 minutes it takes to sing a song.  

An entire season in life - or a whole Psalm Song can be devoted to questioning without receiving an answer.

I don't know who said or wrote that (maybe it was me?? Haha!)  it meant enough to me to write it down as a note that could possibly become a song though.    

Our unmet longings bring up questions. 
Questions are an important part of a relationship. Questions are a way of wrestling with something inside that is unresolved.  There is a beautiful vulnerability and tension to asking a question, like that time Jacob wrestled with God.

So what does this Psalm have to do with the Blues?  I'm still learning about what makes up chords in this incredible genre of music, but what I know is that there seems to be a focus on playing the chord with an added 7th.  

It's like this whole psalm/song is beautifully and awkwardly wrestling with and yet resting on the tension of the 7th tone of a scale. 

In my mind, when I hear a chord with an added 7th, I instinctively hear it resolving. Like so many of life's problems, it hasn't resolved yet, but someday it will.  Maybe tomorrow, maybe not until heaven, but I can question God when things get rough because I know He is the answer.  

This could be why I like listening to the Blues so much.  ðŸ˜Ž