2007-2008 School Year was filled with turmoil for me. I was doing my National Boards Portfolio and testing, managing a volitile classroom where my co-workers would get hurt if I wasn't in the room (so I never took a lunch break and rarely a bathroom break taboot), finding freedom in Christ through the breaking of strongholds (the enemy sure didn't like that!), struggling with the horrors of a marriage/husband that was being dashed upon the rocks...I totalled my car and spent several weeks in intense pain because of a shoulder injury caused by the student who made my classroom volitile. Even through the horrible stresses of that dark, dark, time - God provided in amazing ways. When I lost my car, He provided one. When I lost my job, boy did He provide!
2008-2009 School Year finds me in green pastures beside still waters. Sure there has been an amazing amount of respitory illness and the stress of learning a new job along with a co-worker dealing with out of control seizures. But objectively, I have to look at the beautiful place in which God has placed me. My new school is 25 miles closer to my home. In November, I found out I passed my National Boards (pay raise which has been God's provision for physical healing for my husband) I get to work with Kindergarteners and 2nd graders - such a pure joy! The training I have had in Autism is being put to good use - I can be helpful. I like that. Right now, I'm healthy and have lost 5% of my body weight (almost 17 lbs! - please don't do the math) My marriage isn't where it should be, but there is happiness and peace and there have been some really good moments. I have a boss who is more than supportive. My heart still breaks for my students and the situations they are in...but I'm beginning to realize that is the reason I'm where I am - to love them.
Last week, a lady from our church spoke about resting in such a way as to let Jesus delight in us. Reveling in the solitude of the green pastures and still waters. Today, I find myself longing to see through the fog of anxiety. What excuse do I have to be anxious?? Look at the hell my God brought me through and how he's blessed me 10 fold despite what happened in the past or the mistakes I made! He is orchestrating everything for my good because I love Him. So, it seems that I need to focus on my love for Him and position myself to be in the beam of His love for me ---and rest.
Yesterday, I messed up and took my day of rest by napping, watching Hallmark movies and knitting or goofing off on the computer. Today I need to rest the right way, purposefully aware of and focusing on my relationship to Him. I think my worship iPod and I are going to head to the gym. :)
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
In Sickness and In Health
Why is it that we seem to take turns being sick or hurt? This has been going on for 5 years.
Since my last post, I was sick for a very long time. I know it tried Kip's patience...how could someone be sick for so long? I'm sure he said. Finally, just a few weeks ago, my health returned. My joy at a new life was overflowing. With my voice finally returned to me (oddly enough, in the Dentist's chair), I praised my God with all my heart. I joined Weight Watchers - it feels like going to AA meetings, but I am amazed at how it's helping me stay on track. So far, I'm down 12 pounds. Next was the gym. I have a new love - working out with my iPod. The funny thing is that I'm having a hard time keeping my hands still while walking. Sometimes my heart is so full, I want to lift my hands in worship or sign along with a song. I wonder what would happen if I lost myself and just let go. :)
Now that my health (after 3+months) has finally returned, my husband takes a turn for the worse with his back. He finally agreed to get some help for his back. Join me in praying for him.
Since my last post, I was sick for a very long time. I know it tried Kip's patience...how could someone be sick for so long? I'm sure he said. Finally, just a few weeks ago, my health returned. My joy at a new life was overflowing. With my voice finally returned to me (oddly enough, in the Dentist's chair), I praised my God with all my heart. I joined Weight Watchers - it feels like going to AA meetings, but I am amazed at how it's helping me stay on track. So far, I'm down 12 pounds. Next was the gym. I have a new love - working out with my iPod. The funny thing is that I'm having a hard time keeping my hands still while walking. Sometimes my heart is so full, I want to lift my hands in worship or sign along with a song. I wonder what would happen if I lost myself and just let go. :)
Now that my health (after 3+months) has finally returned, my husband takes a turn for the worse with his back. He finally agreed to get some help for his back. Join me in praying for him.